SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Dicks are not precious.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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