Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
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He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
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The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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