I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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