I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize