Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
