im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
