Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
