oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
