yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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