You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
