what day is it and did you see me today?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
