The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
