Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
