Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
