I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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