i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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