What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
