the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
