hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
