I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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