I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
