i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
