Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
