Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
