Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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