There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
