I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
