I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
