Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
