If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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