Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
