Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
