Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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