I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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