The brown eye won't let me do that either.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
