Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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