So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
