She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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