the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
