His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
how does that bad decision feel?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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