Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He has the fingertips of a God
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