Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
