As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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