Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
