dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
