make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
