I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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