kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
