She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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