Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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