I think i sorta joined a cult last night
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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