He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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