we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I need mimosas to revive my soul
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
