Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
