absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
