He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize