Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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