I'm laying in your front yard are you home
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
