kristin has been a bad kristin
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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