So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
