I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
