so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
