I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
