After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
