Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
