My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
