***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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