I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
