We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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