So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
