Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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